Okay, I have a confession to make.

Now brace yourself.

This might hurt a little.

Maybe even be unbelievable at first, but…

I haven’t had a phone in… ages!

Well, maybe 2 years or so!

I know! Now hang on! Hang on!

It’s for good reason 😛

Yes, there have been many times I have stood in-front of a kiosk with cash at hand. Ready to say…Take my money!

But I retreated.

Why?

Here’s why! This quote pretty much says it all:

“There’s a guy in this coffee shop sitting at a table, not on his phone, not on a laptop, just drinking coffee, like a psychopath.” @jasongay

So, yay! Minus the psychopath. This is pretty much what I do with my friends! And add eye contact, hugs, and all that other good things! That’s why I wanted to share with you what I learned from NOT having a cell phone and bringing those lessons learned BACK, to a world of having a cell phone.

I think the two worlds can compliment one another quite nicely and here’s how.

House Rules:

• Be Present!

With yourself and other people.

Meaning, I never was one to interrupt a conversation because someone ‘binged’ me their favourite dog pic (which, heck, I would totally check by the way! But, I digress!) Can you imagine having a conversation with someone and your friend randomly jumps in on the conversation and says, LOOK AT THIS PIC! Weird right?! Well I think so too!

Elton John once said, he doesn’t have a cell phone because everyone else in the world has one and if he wanted to borrow one, he would just ask!

Well, so do I!

I was at the mall and had to reach a family member. I asked the guy beside me for his cell phone. He gave me, ‘the look.’ As if I was asking for the security code to unlock his security deposit box holding his prized possessions.

Then came the, ‘Oh, I gave it to someone and they made this long distance call with it.’ Yup got that!

I entertained him further and you’ll see where I am going with this soon. I promise.

I replied, ‘you can dial the number for me. It’s a local call.’ He then shook his head no, while his wife elbowed him to give me the phone.

Now came time for the big guns.

I said, ‘Hey (His Name,) I used to work with you. Remember, we worked at X Hotel together? Does my face look familiar to you? I used to help you out with housemen duties. Remember X, Y, and Z? How are they? I loved working with them! Hope everyone is doing well.’ To which he replied by gently handing me over his phone and his wife with the, ‘I told you so’ look.

Classic!

Why am I telling you this?!

Because it’s okay to leave your phone at home!

Even for a few hours, evenings, morning, heading out for a walk! It helps in being PRESENT! Don’t make me bring Master Oogway out with that’s why they call it a ‘present.’ 🙂 Yup, I just did that too!

• Turn It Off at Night/Mornings

Sometimes one of the first things we do in the mornings and night. Is check our phones. We all do it.

Check Facef**k, Twitter F**k, Insta F**k. It happens. That’s okay.

But if you can integrate a little bit of you time, before bed and before you wake up. It helps! A LOT!

There are times, admit it, when you want to puke checking social media. I know people who have completely shut down their accounts because of they no longer wanted to be… ‘plugged in’ anymore.

But of course! This is up to you!

I don’t believe you have to delete an account to stay off the crack. Just put a few hours a day where you don’t have it beside you.

Most of the time. I’m usually working on my laptop and so…I get binged.

Now there are times when I turn off the volume and turn off all notifications. And this helps! And then I set aside sometime where I say, I’ll check back after X time. And that helps as well.

I also tell those who I talk with regularly that I am shutting my sh*t down or when I’m out of town. Especially for clients. People will make social media announcements saying that they are off comms. And that’s cool Coms! You’re just letting your tribe know you’re off and those near to you, where to find you!

I personally believe, and this is my personal preference, but I’m not one for having electronic devices ON in your bedroom, especially on at night.

Not only do they produce EMF’s = Electromagnetic – mutha -f**king – frequencies! It doesn’t stand for that, but I like it!

Nor do I keep a TV in my room and I always shut down my laptop —> every night! Because it helps! Night time is your time! It’s either with your family, friends or loved ones. The rest, leave behind.

I get the whole Netflix and chill thing! But maybe, just MAYBE, you can set evenings for that! Especially with your partner/lover, keep the electronics out, and put the love back in! It helps!

I recently found a feature with the iPhone, you can shut down all notification say past 10 PM. But if there is a repeat call or someone you identified as a favourite calling you, these calls will go through regardless.

Because of my personality type, I would do his for a certain few.

And I do mean few!

Use the tech, for setting up and work with, your privacy.

There are couples that I know who set up house rules as in no cell phones in the bedroom rule. I totally get that! That’s a sacred space for you to get cozy, read a book, share ideas, pillow talk, you don’t need to laugh at that random instagram post or check that random notification no matter how funny it may be! So make time for one another, and don’t let it crowd your space. Let it compliment it!

• Pictures, Pictures and More Pictures! 

Okay, so since I didn’t want a phone. I was pretty much present everywhere I went. Meaning, when I walked, my f**king head was UP! There have been countless times I said, ‘Heads up’ to people who nearly crashed into me. Mall and sidewalks included! It’s like watching zombies people!

I remember I was at a meditation centre at a Buddhist monastery and the Monk said, now days, people are so engaged 24-7 and everyone is within reach. That they even want to argue over phones! Not to say hi, how was your day? How are you? It’s more like, where have you been, what are you doing, why are you late, and whatever else!

 Anyway, the guy at the Apple store had a crazy amount of photos stored onto his iCloud device! Like 30K photos or something like that! And I get photos, heck I take them too!

But a part of me is like, were you really present in that moment when that happened, or were you trying to get the ‘picture perfect moment,’ to immortalize it somehow in your memory, or hard drive.

Now granted, WHEN I SWIM with whales. I’m taking an underwater picture of that sh*t but I’m also going to say, f**k you device. I want to be here instead of thinking if the zoom is right or telling the whale to turn angle him or herself a bit differently because the lighting wasn’t right and now I have to redo the pic!

I want to look at the belly of the beast, his ‘tiny’ eyes on the world most largest mammal and see my own infinity reflected back to me. Not my camera lens!

And can that really be captured on film, ladies and gents? The irony is that this! This pic below! Was caught on film! 😛 But I digress, moving onward. (Preferences given to Blue Whale <—Largest Mammal ON EARTH! or Right Whale.)

Anyway, before you grab your phone and head out the door. Set the intention to create some space for yourself. Ask yourself. Do I really need it with me right now?

Sometimes, I grab my camera and take pics but I set that intention before I leave the door whether I want to bring my camera with me or not.

I play a game I learned at Uni from a Prof. Take 10 pics that day that take your breath away! And if you share that with a loved one, BONUS!

I have to say. It was a habit for me, from ‘Corporate’ World and working in Emergency Management, that I had to check my messages OFTEN in case s**t hit the fan! And I had a pager back then! A pager! For those who don’t know, watch a very old Beyonce video and you may know what this ancient device was! Or check your local Anthropology Museum of The Wonderful World of Fallen Tech!

Not having a cell phone helped a lot with this concept of emergency by not thinking of life as an Emergency. Because now I know everyone is well and if anyone ever needed anybody, at anytime. Their are always helpers around! It doesn’t have to be just me! 🙂

• F**k Text!

I’m starting to get that I’m NOT really a HUGE text fan! If you’re lost or whatever. Sure, text someone. Or do what I did with no phone. ASK SOMEONE AROUND FOR HELP or DIRECTIONS 🙂 Make eye contact 😀

When I hear my friends or lover talk to me. I want to hear his/her voice! I want tonality, I want to hear how their day went! If it’s a quick call, sure. Why not. Hey love you, thinking of you. Chat soon.

But don’t f**king text me for like 5 hours when we could have just talked for 10 mins and THAT would have been faster.

And is that why you talk to your friends, family, lover, or colleagues? Because it’s fast?

And let’s face it. There are things you wouldn’t say IN PERSON, via text or email. Things you would say differently, whether in person or via text. It’s always better to talk in person for real talk. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that! And that’s okay.

If you’re working on a project and need some quick info back and forth. That’s different!

But I prefer phone, FT, of visual/audio almost each and every time next to text. Because there is something about that, which cannot be replaced.

Your time is valuable. So is mine, so lets cherish our time together 🙂

Schedule time to talk if you can and slot it in. I’m not saying all the time! On the fly and spontaneous is great! Just balance it out 🙂

• Honour your Commitments

Not having a phone meant whenever I told someone I would be there. I would be there! No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it! Remember I did this for 2 years! No cell phone, so you can do this too! No excuses!

I couldn’t ‘cancel’ last minute or say, ‘hey sorry, can’t make it out because X, Y, or Z.’ No it meant, I am going to see you there, at this time, at this place. And I was there each and every time.

This may ‘scare’ some people. But it means honouring your commitments and honouring your word.

And if you can’t make it out, clean up house, communicate that, and reschedule! Hooray! Was that so hard?

So I may just still turn off my cell phone prior to meeting people just so I don’t get the ‘running late,’ messages 😉

• Turn it off During Meals! 

Okay this one is A REALLY GOOD ONE! I heard this house rule from a friend.

When heading out to dinner. Turn off your cell phones. Put the phones in the centre of the table so they are out of reach. And first one who reaches in…pays the bill!

I like em’ odds!

• Who are you connecting with? 

At the end of the day, to sum this all up. It’s REALLY COOL that tech connects people from all over the world! I have made friends via social media from other countries because of Linked F**k, Face-f**k, etc… And I appreciate that!

The medium that is.

I hear people say Tech disconnects people. And I think I made some points on how by not being present, and setting out some time, or leaving it at home.

But I believe it’s how YOU use it that is your output. Input —> Output. What’s your intention with it, to connect quickly or deeply.

• Video Journaling 

Last but not least. And one of my faves! When my peeps send me video journals! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS!

Because as they speak about their day or share their thoughts with me.

Not only does it excite me because now I’m a part of their day!

But I feel more connected to them because I can’t INTERRUPT their flow of conversation and I am purely in LISTENING MODE.

Try it with a trusted few!

Or just do it yourself like the Avatar Journaling scene as if you landed on another planet!

Journal your day, how’s it going?

Reflect on your thoughts.

Are you kind to yourself?

Gentle and easy about things?

Are you mad or upset about something?

Because we all know, no one, and I do mean NO ONE, deservers YOUR LOVE, more than YOU DO! Start at core, then spread it like confetti!

• SUMMARY: 

So all in all.

Take a break!

Admit it!

Sometimes, it makes you want to puke!

Communicate Time Off and When. I tell friends to CALL ME when I am not into checking FF (Facef**k), iMessage, etc, so I don’t have to check it. And if they needed me. Well here I am! Via PHONE! 

Set boundaries. Set times to turn it off and turn on life. If you want be social. Try being social in PERSON! 70-80% of Communication is nonverbal and you don’t get that way by studying your sender’s font size! 

Get Out More with No Comms! Go out for dinner, fly a kite, read a book at the beach, go to the movies, laugh, people watch, paint, draw, do funny faces! But go be social by being social IN PERSON or turn it off when you’re out!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!

And if you have some cool phone rules please hit us up in the comments section below! Would love to hear them! Spread the love!

HUGE HUGS,

XO

With unwavering love and friendship,

Pam