A little while ago, Nicky and I were discussing how coaching is one of the most powerful relationships on this planet! And how you must have a ‘love affair’ with your clients and truly love them with every atom and energy in your body like no one has ever done before.

That is how we show up with our clients.

Recently, I was working on a proposal with someone who I consider one of my greatest sources of inspiration.

You see, if your clients do not inspire you, I strongly suggest to NOT work with them. I don’t do mediocre relationships. Neither should you.

You must have a spark, a zing; you must have chemistry with your clients.

Now, I absolutely love each and every one of my clients. And there are some who really capture your heart and pull on your heart strings. That’s the spark. That’s the inspiration. That is when you boldly dive in and TRUST IN THE PROCESS.

You have to understand that in this physical reality, you get a ‘speck of dust’ opening of the grand picture. The tug, the chemistry, the pull – THAT is infinite intelligence.  It is the greatest part of you giving you a carrot to say, “Look here. Pay attention. There is magic for you here.”  You must trust that inspired impulse in your life. Never question that. The physical mind wants to question it and logic the s**t out of it but it only knows a piece of the puzzle, whereas your infinite stream of consciousness sees the bigger picture.

With this particular person, I am familiar with her habits. I coached her many years ago during a different setting but this time it was different. She is one of the ONES that I speak of above that creates that spark.

I posed a question for her; a proposal to coach, and I wanted her to get back to me.

By the lack of her response or delay, I received my answer. It was not something for her right now. I wanted it to be, but she wasn’t ready for it, yet.

Now here’s the rub. I always leave the conversation there as I have my answer. If I don’t hear a response from anyone, I just leave it. I don’t invest my time further with people who do not follow through or communicate their thoughts clearly during the process. I always encourage open dialogue. At times, my colleagues follow up (on their own accord) but I do not. That’s not my style and I am clear on the results and type of engagement I am looking for.

But, you see this time, I did something different. I wanted to PLAY with it a bit more and play with her a bit more because I know her well. I am familiar with her tolerance level. I wanted to take her somewhere new and something inside me said, ‘go.’

So we danced.

I challenged her on how she was showing up with me and questioned her on how she was showing up in life – and challenged her to play with the questions I was posing. Not that she was someone who does not show up. Because if you know her, she is one of the most caring, giving, brilliant minds, selfless individual I know on this planet. And she shows up! It is because I knew this about her that I wanted to push her even more, to a new level of engagement that many are not familiar with.

So, I put a flame underneath her.

I showed up in a form that I knew she was uncomfortable with:

ANGER (in this case, drenched in love).

People don’t like anger. Many are uncomfortable with it. I am not one to say STAY IN ANGER. But I know anger is an emotion that is telling me something. This is the type of anger that challenges. That calls out. The type where infinite intelligence channellers take a guest out of the hot seat and say, ‘it’s time for you to go, next.’ The type that interrupts an audience member and says, ‘stop right there.’ That is the type of conviction I am speaking of here.

So I really gave it to her drenched with love. What was I trying to do?

I wanted her to make a decision.

I already knew it was a, Not Right Now, for coaching, but since I know she is someone who is selfless, giving, and puts other people’s needs above hers at times I wanted HER to say it. I just wanted her to give it to me. I wanted her to experience what that feels like. I told her what I was looking for but I needed her to say what she wanted for herself right now. I can’t speak her words, I can only speak my own. Her power is in her own words and alignment. I wanted her to speak with clarity, conviction and say “I am not ready for this high level of engagement right now but I want to and I will and when I am ready, I want to do this with you.” That was for her to say. Not me.

She was halfway there the second time around during this dance. I was starting to notice a change in her language like the ‘truth is’ and ‘honestly,’ but I knew she wasn’t there yet. Half of her armour was down. There was still another layer to go.

Coaching is an acceleration process. It doesn’t take a lot of years, it is a very deliberate, focused, space. A shared trusted space. A true dance.

This is love. Putting yourself out there and being that person of influence in that person’s life to have an awakening moment.

As a coach, you might question yourself, “Did I push too far?” Why this emotion and not that, but you must trust YOU. Your instinct. You must risk yourself acting like a complete and utter fool (even though you know you are NOT), because you know the benefit it is bringing in someone’s life and yours.

But she didn’t speak her full truth yet. She kind of tried to but didn’t give her clear answer. She tried to explain herself when no explanation was ever needed.

So, I turned the heat up more. She could have stopped it as soon as she uttered her truth at the beginning but I went forward. Because something inside me said, ‘go further.’ She MUST be able to say what’s in her heart without thinking she is going to, ‘hurt my feelings,’ or to, ‘put other people’s needs in front of hers.’ She needed to do something that was uncomfortable for her, to say NO to someone she cares about. Or in this case, Not Right Now but Soon.

You see, I am an intense and passionate person. I show up and I am an example in someone’s life. A powerful demonstration to that person beaming with love. I just BE IT, instead of speaking it.

At times, I embody the beasts they don’t want to deal with in the present moment. I become the bull, that when they feel its breath in their face, hold it by the horns, and look into my eyes, they will see their best reflection. The BEST of themselves. Because in that fear, they will know there was nothing ever to fear. That it was all a state of mind. In this dance, I was the bull and she was the matador.

I wanted this person to show up with her, as I show up with me.

Not the young woman who used to put her needs on the backburner in her relationships.

Not the young woman who did everything for people she cared about in her career to her own detriment.

I wanted to bring out a new version of her that she didn’t know she had. The best version of her! The one that speaks her truth WITHOUT APOLOGY to ANYONE at ANYTIME.

Like a matador, I wanted her to, “Look here. There is something for you here.” It’s okay if she was feeling defensive or heavy, I knew it would come at me and I was okay with that, You have to be, as a coach, because you know the direction you are going, and in the end she transcended through it all. Now you see the dance, the roles changed. This is the dance I speak of. The give and take.

I know in the past she did break through, eventually. But I wanted to stand as a powerful example in her life TODAY, to be that positive influence and for her to just be in front of me. I was encouraging her, creating a setting or atmosphere and yes a bit of contrast/pressure for her to speak her heart’s code openly and freely with me. Not sugar coated, not hidden with jokes, just her. I wanted her bare with nothing to hide. I wanted her to express all of her, freely and openly to me.

And then, she did it!

She spoke her truth!

She took care of herself. She bathed in her good feeling moments. She bathed in the sunlight. She bathed in her words of what she clearly wanted to speak.

I knew what she had to say all along but you can’t speak their words. You can’t feel their feelings. You can’t think their thoughts.

You CAN stand as a powerful demonstration in people’s lives to show up FULLY.

I know she will take this indefinable experience, which may have felt scary at first, and know that she has expanded to a new place in her life. And she literally is a new person because of it. A new being. I ask myself, how can she get any better, and she does. She just keeps getting better, and better, and expanding, and expanding because eternity does not stop. It just keeps going.

A being who can  make decisions and speak her truth without feeling responsible for how the other person reacts. A leader who can make those business decisions without feeling she is hurting anyone. To say No, or Yes, or I am unclear right now I need more time, whatever truth it maybe for her she can go say it now with conviction.

And once you expand, you can never go back to your old self without being aware.

As a coach and channeller of infinite intelligence, you must ‘risk’ being you to the fullest. As you ask that of your clients, so do you demonstrate the same. Just Be it!

I know that information presented in a certain way produces a certain result. I may say this one thing, or be this emotion, because I am directing that person somewhere magical to discover. As a coach, you must be that person. You must embody all of it. Even if it doesn’t make sense in the beginning, trust the process, because it will make sense in the end. And if it doesn’t make sense yet, it is not the end. Keep going further.

You see, you must be a little MAD to be a brilliant F’n Coach. As every coach masters their art form and craft, there is a methodology to their madness. The client may not know it, but that is irrelevant, because you do!

“Understand me. I’m not like an ordinary world. I have my madness, I live in another dimension and I do not have time for things that have no soul,” – Charles Bukowski

My (and your) clients can walk away from this experience with 1 of 2 things.

That Pam, she is a f’n jerk and completely Mad! OR

That Pam, she is a f’n jerk and completely Mad and I love every inch of her!

Hopefully, it’s the latter.

Onward and upward,

Loving the unique expression that is you, my spark!  😉

Pam Q